Sunday, January 19, 2014

Appearances? I'd rather have substance.

Finally my first post of the year!!!!! I hope you enjoyed Framed Stanzas, if you have yet to check it out…YOU Are missing out (yea, I said it…)! Mmmhmm, here is the link: Framed Stanzas

“Girl YOU Crazy”

Happy New Year!!!! I know for some it gets annoying after the 2nd day of the year to say it… BUT I’m the person still saying it in February and March IF I have yet to see you…

So, Happy New Year!!

And back to it…

The truth isn't always in the surface...we can all buy makeup and decide to see whatever we want to see.-The perspective of substance

This post is something I’ve struggled with on both sides…


In November and December, if you follow me on Twitter and Facebook… I posted about writing/finishing my first book and before the year was over I even designed the cover and book layout, purchased the domain…and now I’m deciding on the release date so I can launch the website, articles, videos of my journey, promotion and events…yep, all that!!

I am excited…but I know you’re wondering HOW does this connect to THIS post???

So, the thing about my book is it’s true and it’s an area of my life that I don’t share unless you have been there too, and you think there is NO up from there. Many people will be able to relate, although it is specific to certain people… but many have also, NEVER been there and don’t want to go (I don’t blame you but I’m sure, soon enough…you will encounter one of us (and it would nice if you attempted to relate…anyway…)).

“… What are YOU talking about Lauren???”
It’s sensitive to me that’s why I’m taking my time and haven’t told you the title or subject YET… I will, when I know the release date…then, WE can talk all about it on the book website and Facebook page to come (if you want/can relate…).


Well, the thing about the truth is…it goes way beyond the surface and when it’s known…YOU, ME, WE can deny it but sooner or later (hopefully sooner) we realize the truth exist whether we think it does or not… and sharing this part of my story has a tendency for the sake of others who have lived through it and/or currently working it out…a tendency to not spare anyone’s feelings, for the sake of people being able to REALLY move forward…like REALLY MOVE FORWARD…REALLY (you know what I’m saying… if not, be patient…please and thank you!)

So let’s get into the actual post and lay some truth on the table (that above was just the blueprint).

Why be envious or assume what you see when you don’t know the person’s story?


Just wait…

“They saw me and thought they knew me, never spoke to me, only smiled and sometimes waved but then they talked to me for the first time and said,’ I changed for the better…’
My response: Excuse me, do I know you?”-The real life of Lauren Alicia

Appearances will make you miss the entire substance, and offending the reality you never knew.

Don’t MISS the person by getting caught up on the appearance.

(pause for dramatic effect…)

It’s January, which means I cleaned up and refreshed throughout 2013 left some things and relationships where they need to be…behind you know like in Plant Where You Prosper but January is here once again and I gotta discuss/clean house…AGAIN… setting the tone for my new year…

And one thing that has been bugging the crap out of me is APPEARANCES!!!! I think I may actually go crazy if I don’t discuss and get these thoughts off my chest (can you feel my frustration????)!!!

Framed Stanzas started this conversation with poems Detroit and Dream Killers Anonymous but it’s time to spell it out because I, Lauren Alicia have given too much time to appearances and walked away from too many appeared situations… as in not clearing up a situation because of how it appeared, letting people know that I don’t have to announce what I know to know it or be nasty towards someone to show it,

OR feeling like NOT setting the situation straight because as the phrase goes… some people are just out to misunderstand you no matter how much you attempt to explain…and I don’t have time to waste my time on that type of craziness…

…Girl my crazy is DONE extending itself in that direction…Can I get a high-five? Hello!!

GYC Disclaimer: Just so YOU, ME, WE are clear... those are NOT people trying to help YOU move forward…

I’d rather discuss the topic as a whole and get straight to the point…allowing this year to maintain its bang (you know the one you started it out with…).

So let me go through my list (may you have a reality check as I have mine)!

See…I was on the phone with this person I used to know telling him this story about another person and this situation another said they were in with this person…make sense… (yes…I was gossiping…it’s of the past, I’ve let go of those seeds bada-boom-sha-la-loom…okay? Okay.) However, as I’m telling him the shocking details of this story…he interrupts me to yell, “YOU DON’T KNOW THAT, YOU WERE NOT THERE!!!”

That phone call quickly became a mirror…

Reality-check, please!!!

Let’s start with a classic…

1. Keeping up with the Joneses…

Actually, have you seen the movie, The Joneses? It is spot on!

I thought about this for many reasons but I just need to break it down so we can let go of THAT CRAZY!!

As in trying to impress people who've already been where you are, have what you have/had without your permission…enjoyed/ing it, authentically and loved/ing it without needing you to approve the circumstances of their joyous life.

When you’re trying to impress someone it’s to show them that you can do what they can do and more than likely…DID. The point is…no one is impressed but the person trying to impress and the victim to this show is either mad, annoyed they answered the door/call and/or just doesn’t care…Not impressed.

There is a difference in being excited, wanting to tell the world about it and being excited with a sideways motive…

Keep up with the Joneses for what???? They have been there, done that and have the blouse with the purse and hat to match…ENOUGH, because YOU/ME/WE more than likely have NO idea HOW she/he/they possess/own/have…what they have…and if you want to REALLY go through what they went through to get it. Okay? Okay.

Appearances are the result…how WHOMEVER got there is the substance.

Let’s CHOOSE wisely…

Remember, “What is for me is for me…and I can have it authentically and actually enjoy it without needing someone to be impressed or approve (Boom Shocka locka boom boom boom).”

**lately, I’ve been ending offline conversations with “boom shocka locka” or other made up lingo and since these posts are like a one-on-one conversation with someone…you’re getting caught in the crossfire…so, you might as well join me…!!!**


2. Keeping “feelings” because of how someone might feel is just prolonging pain (and healing, understanding, wisdom, the ability to move forward, insert positive reinforcement here)…

For both people.

Sometimes we leave situations untouched because of where they might take us.

I’m not talking about telling everybody that did you wrong/did NOT do well by you…OFF (sometimes it appears to be too many to count…can I get a witness?) I’m talking about taking time to understand the situation beyond the surface, taking time to have perspective about the situation beyond the person versus remaining in their presence, continuously going where they are…putting those feelings aside as if nothing really happened, then going home and wishing you hadn’t gone.

Personally, I had to realize that I needed to stop hanging out or being around certain people because of how they made me feel versus who they are.

GYC SideNote… I get into this on a whole new level in my book…

And on to number 3!

3. Not taking purpose filled chances/actions/opportunities because they appear to be strong possibilities for failure/loss that everyone will see (and more than likely not take the time to get the whole story to know if YOU really failed or loss something…and never gained…)…

Don’t be afraid to go after your purpose because of how you think it may make you look to others. The only risk in not following your purpose or at least taking actions in its direction is…to never know.

YOU ARE TOO COURAGEOUS AND FILLED WITH SO MUCH PURPOSE to go after the thing(s) that might only make you look good (appearance) but in reality, make you feel empty (substance).

Leave that Crazy alone!!!

Let me say this (as side GYC commentary): Taking time away from your kids for your own purpose is confusion of your purpose. They are as much a part of it as you are. I lived it and it sucked.  #YourKidsWillThankYouLater

Also, if you would like to collaborate with GYC further on this issue... Email this GYCGirl...

I think it would be amazing to see who your kids turn out to be because of who you are versus who you are not to them.

I’m done (for now)…

Now on to number 4… (I’m almost finish…thanks for staying on this journey/note-to-self with me!)

4. Searching for surface and never digging for substance

Do you really know the meaning of all the holidays you celebrate and/or think you’re supposed to celebrate?

That is all…on that.
But let me rant on this (you may scroll to number 5 if you don't care to listen…but you are already here…so….)…
Over the last couple years, I’ve watched people go for their 15-minutes of fame, bashing companies on social media after their beliefs were expressed on a larger platform…the thing is… these companies have always practiced their beliefs and had this information available for whomever inquiring…it only APPEARS new to those who never cared to look at the substance of where they purchase.

Many people/companies/brands have been who they are since you met them… some of US just never bothered to ask

Many things are NOT secrets…maybe YOU, ME, WE never asked, never really looked, never went inside or simply decided that what we know is the truth based on what we saw/heard that particular day at that specific time with those people that we probably really don’t know…

Some things really are not secrets, we just need to ask the right questions and if we don’t get a response…maybe it just is NOT OUR business (right now or ever)? Just a thought…don’t get mad.
Have you ever scrolled down to look at comments after watching something online?...and see a comment about how the person liked what they watched but why did it need this _________(fill-in-the-blank) underline meaning??? And the thing is…the people behind the production of what they’re commenting on are leaders in the industry of this “underline meaning”…as in if they did not, people who bothered to find out this information would be wondering WHY THEY DID NOT HAVE THIS “UNDERLINE MEANING”

That’s all I’m saying…that’s all!

I don’t mean to be rowdy but we all are a year older…and if stuff isn’t what it seems or what we think it is supposed to be… to the point of getting YOU, ME, WE upset/angry/frustrated/annoyed/you get the picture… WE MUST DIG DEEPER!!

Now, let us dig deeper to number 5, a classic truth!

5. YOU ARE beautiful no matter the shell…

Freshman year of college, I was somewhat forced to get a haircut because I was new in NYC aka not knowing anyone’s hair that I currently wanted to replicate (in my budget and proximity), my current hairstyle done in MI had expired, I had yet to find someone who understood my hair requests, and the $25 place a friend suggested… whose hair was not as similar to mine as we thought… used TOO MUCH HEAT on my hair…

The point…

My hair was damaged after all those test and trials…I just didn’t know how severe (when I say severe, I mean severe for me)…The stylist I finally found and trusted because of who she is, had to cut it (severely)…It was the SHORTEST my real hair had ever been, I felt like a boy, I’m pretty sure I cried at some point, I was not bald…but I felt like my options were GONE!!!


Someone I knew that did makeup…insisted that if this look was going to work and if I wanted to continue looking like a girl…I would need to start wearing makeup. So, she taught me, and I wore makeup just about everyday for about 2.5 years, it became part of my daily routine as if it were a requirement for me to live and feel good about how I looked.

Then, I stopped.

The reason I started wearing makeup more times than not was getting in the way of how I truly felt about myself/who I am. It was getting in the way of ME, I had to realize that no matter the hairstyle, outfit, and/or if I have on makeup or not,

I am who I am and I am beautiful

NOW, I wear makeup because I LIKE/WANT to…NOT because I have/need to and I looks darn good with it on (plus it’s fun)!!  Boom Shocka Locka Tick tock Pop and Lock!!! *smile

And to go a little deeper,
I was going to this retreat where I knew I would probably cry and because I knew tears would mess up my makeup (aka I would look a mess) and cause me to be distracted, trying to keep my makeup from messing up…that I would not have been able to experience the full experience of the retreat…so I didn’t wear makeup the whole time (getting on the subway and everything).

Then after the retreat, I thought…why do I wear makeup (like my life depends on it)…how did this start???

You be in control of where you allow other people’s comments to take you…making sure YOUR surface is NOT based on THEIR substance (and vice versa).

Now on to the 6th and last!

6. My favorite… Basing someone’s status on Facebook statuses...


I don’t have much to say about this because verbalizing it…is saying A LOT!


I know some people have moment by moment posted on social media with real photos to prove it…then, others have posts on social media…but their relatives are going over people’s houses giving the substance.

That’s enough on that…now on to the more positive/substance but a bit on the random side…

It’s always interesting and tempting when I see social media relationships bloom into friendships (you know where people can make an accurate decision on if you’re a surface or substance living kind of friend…)…I haven’t reached that level of comfort and interacting just yet…but this year, I’m hopeful and willing!

But before you base someone’s status on their FB status…and assume…ask what your status and photos present for others to assume…and Be Quiet.

GYC SideNote…I’ve had fictional versions of my life retold to me by people that I have not seen in months and some of them, years(s+) and even if I had seen them…the conversation would have never reached the level of information they thought they knew.
And a SideNote to the SideNote… The fact that they thought they should repeat it to me as if they didn’t need to ask me…makes me not want to clear it up…

Social media gets people in more trouble than it should…and if you have the phone number to that person…well…

Anyway… we all have substance… also known as truth…beyond the surface…and it takes time for people to REALLY see people beyond their shell. The question is…are YOU willing to dig/is it important to YOU? 

Thank you for staying throughout my list…may we grow together, one reality check at a time (because some crazy is just crazy…not courage…and you know this)!

If you’re going to get caught up on appearances, you’ll surely miss the substance, and distance yourself from the urgency of being part of something BIG.

“Either dig or keep it moving because the surface is more temporary than its substance, and its substance is more permanent than its surface.”-Life wanting YOU to have it all, GYC

“Do not deal with the surface of the person…the beauty is in their substance.”-Truth asking for a chance, GYC

This year…what will YOUR substance look like?

Defeating Crazy with Courage (together)…
Happy New Year,

Lauren Alicia, The Queen of the Process, Miss GYCGirl…YOU Know the Rest!

P.S. I think this is my longest post? Well, I guess this must have been on my mind for a while…

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