When A Stranger Lingers… Part 2: I Befriended Me

Introduction

Part 1

“To know how amazing YOU are, should be common knowledge without the confirmation from another.”-Daily GYC Note-To-Self

“When I accept the friendship of self… then, do I begin to understand what it means to be a friend to someone else.”-Being a Friend 101…(Coming This Fall…not really but that would be quite the book to read by Lauren Alicia)

“I Befriended ME…so, my identity isn’t lost in another but found in the development and understanding of self.”-The purpose of me without sidebar commentary; YOU, Me, We Speaking Truthfully

Dear Me,

When you are naming off the names of your best friends…don’t forget me!

Side Note:  You are designed to do great things so… DO THEM!!!

Before we get into it…

Let me say this…

“When a Stranger Lingers…” GYC Series is about friendship and the relationships we allow or tolerate even after we have grown/moved forward/matured/stopped being funky…all of that!!!

If you missed any of the previous series posts…please scroll to the top for the links…I can wait!!!

…

And back to it…

Well, in thinking on this and opening myself up to learn,

I found at one point…a need to hold on to certain people because of memories. 

Quick Rant Style Explanation

BUT what is important to note is…

It wasn’t that the good memories didn’t outweigh the bad…but what I was holding on to now was something that no longer existed…

And needed to be released because my developing identity (and understanding of self) no longer agreed with some of the “who’s” surrounding me.

Now let’s back up a little bit…YES…we’re going on a lil’ GYC journey!

Befriending me allowed me to accept peace and joy in simply being me with or without others around.

The moments of holding on to people because of memories became a weight that clouded me from seeing hope and present possibilities of being able to create memories without the people that were no longer good for me.

I had to realize that I wasn’t being a friend to myself, not playing on my own team if I may… by allowing the people I chose to call friend to maintain their position because of memories that substance no longer existed.

I needed to relate to today's memories, not from when I last talked to you a year+ ago!!

Befriending yourself allows YOU, ME, WE to have standards… a prerequisite before discussing the requirements.

I think we learn to let go of a lot more when we realize we are worth more…

Befriending myself permitted me to push pass appearances…

Think about it,

 Even as kids…our friendships had some sort of substance no matter how complicated or simple we made it sound to our parents. It may have looked like we were BFFs with everyone but if we explained each of the friendships…every person told a little bit about WHO we are and what we enjoy, TODAY.

GYC Personal Reflection…although this whole post probably seems like that…

I’ve learned through observation that I am a better friend when I am a friend to myself, and I can receive the criticism of others as suggestions for improving myself...versus things I need to do to be a “better person.”

Yep, pay attention to the difference!

When we treat ourselves like a friend…

 +++We look out for ourselves like we would for another person

GYC Explanation: Sometimes it takes another set of eyes to tell you about you because we may be blind to the real situation that is in front of us. Although, I value the friend that loves me enough to do that…befriending myself daily opens my eyes to see/evaluate what is and isn’t for me…and that friend can be someone to agree/confirm/recognize the same thing...versus appearing to bring new information to me...

Making me defensive, and all “Girl YOU Crazy!!!”

+++We understand the purpose of the presence...of other people…is not to bash us but to support us

GYC Explanation: Sometimes we experience something bad over and over again…and begin to view/see/perceive what we lived as the norm. Whether we are in a room full of people or by ourselves…we should always be one of our biggest supporters and cheerleaders. Give what you would want for yourself, to someone else…but the question is… What do you want for you?

The friendships that I value today are with people I enjoy encouraging, watching them succeed from level to level, and/or encouraging greatness out of me.

Take a moment to think on what your friendship to Self looks like, and how it is reflected in the people you choose and chose to be around.

Quick GYC Commentary

A quote that is being used so much but its use is so necessary is… “We accept the love we think we deserve” from The Perks of Being a Wallflower. It helps to explain… certain friendships we maintain/allow…and it all points back to how do YOU view YOU through understanding of your own self-worth?

...................................

Befriend yourself daily. Know, and walk in your worth.

GYC Interview with Self because we can’t be a friend to ourselves if we are not honest with ourselves (some questions to ponder for your thoughts only)

+ Would you defend you even in the middle of your own mistakes?

This is not a question of defending the mistake but of defending who you are, which is human and giving yourself another chance because you realize/recognize/acknowledge you always have HOPE.

+ Would YOU befriend YOU?

Because I randomly think about questions I will ask people when I’m in the position to hire, this question came to mind…”Would you hire you?” So, in thinking about befriending yourself for your own sanity...are you a friend that you would want for yourself… I definitely have moments when I need…and I do apologize to people I consider(ed) friend because I wasn’t a friend in certain situations. This truth forever remains “Treat people the way you want to be treated”…but first know how you want/need to be treated.

+ What will YOU tolerate in our friendship and what is NOT acceptable?

+ What is YOUR definition of friend and how close do YOU match it?

What we define and acknowledge is how we perceive what is before us…what have YOU left undefined?

Last Thoughts…GYC Rant Style

Befriending yourself is a lesson that WE constantly learn and check to make sure is present in our reality. When you befriend you, we become less tolerant of those that just want to be tolerated for the sake of calling you friend instead of being a friend, we open ourselves up to know ourselves more…and to not just have random standards with no meaning but meaning with expectations (‘take it or leave it’ attitude) because we know and walk in our worth. Befriending ourselves isn’t new and it surely isn’t old…if you want to live Bold, Confident & Strong through Your Purpose…it’s going to take “Me being a friend to Me” DAILY, getting the agenda, deciding to live it, and actually receiving what belongs to me because I know what is for me…and I refuse to be blocked from it holding on to friendships (or anything else unnecessary or distracting) that no longer have substance like I don’t have real standards!  

Time up for that, we are amazing and designed to do great things…that’s common knowledge!!!

Value your company even if you are in a room by yourself.

 I befriended Me...

Defeating Crazy with Courageous,

Lauren Alicia

(I think I might add this as a signature for now on?!?!?)

P.S. This post has a few unfinished thoughts for our own thoughts. Remember, 'I do things a lil' differently!'

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Join me, right here…NEXT WEEK for the Conclusion of “When a Stranger Lingers…”---A short but necessary series!!!

“Don’t Take the Elevator…” Part 2: Strength looks like Confidence

Check out the ENTIRE SERIES...IN A BOOK!!

 

“My confidence stands on strength.”

“To take the first step is strength, to take the next is confidence.”-The Inner YOU coaching & leading you to your dreams

I tell you one thing…there is no confidence involved in riding the elevator…just a whole bag of TRUST in some buttons that maybe working.

YOU & I both know that IS The TRUTH!

So let’s talk about it!

The steps that is…since this series is called “Don’t Take the Elevator…” and we’re on Part 2…

*I was just reminding you how Crazy it is to ride the “elevator to success”…that is all. *

Okay so YOU, ME, WE are on the steps right now, standing on Strength after we told the elevator that the fast track to success is not for us, and

We take the steps so we’re able to stand on

+ Solid

+ Unshakeable Ground and

+ Knowledge & Understanding of who we are…

Did I leave anything out???

If so, read Part 1…I’ll wait (yep it’s that deep).

And back to it!

In planning for this series, I was reminded of a popular TV sitcom family (from the 80s) and what went on before, after and while they were filming. In this family there we’re 5 kids but 1 in particular really opened my eyes to see, relate and understand what it looks like to take stairs…and have others think that a possible elevator was involved.

What I learned about this sitcom was that the producer taught the kids the business (so they were not just adorable actors)…and how to produce an episode…so much to the point that some of the episodes were produced by this 1 kid (and some of the others too) because now their talent agent had wrote in the contract for them to be paid for acting and producing!!! ---They even went on to produce some episodes of another popular sitcom from the 90s…super popular!!!!

“But what’s the point?”---I know that’s what you’re thinking or what show is she talking about…but that is not important (right now).

What really stood out about this actor’s life was what we didn’t see…

+The strength that it took to not just be an actor but the want to know more, building an unshakeable ground that can stand even when the show goes off the air.

+The strength that developed confidence to say, “I need to be recognized not only for acting but producing too.”

The steps are not a punishment!

But building YOU, ME, WE to not just be STRONG but appear CONFIDENT in our strength to keep moving on the next level…knowing that YOU deserve to be where you are.

GYC Commentary

When you take the steps, it makes it that much easier to have a foundation to lean on in struggle/opposition/setbacks/negativity/foolishness and stand firm with confidence to take the next step forward.

The first step of strength builds a foundation that says, “I’m strong because I know who I am” but the next step, confidence, allows you to walk in your strength.

There is something about strength that leads to more things and guides you to the next step. Opens the door for more opportunities and pushes you to be the best you…which reeks of confidence!

Quick GYC Rant

The fast track, elevator success is just as fake as a temporary tattoo that fades every time you wash or something rubs up against it…you can tell that it is not real!

Think on that for a second…

The steps build you up (whether you started as a kid or as an adult) to be who you say YOU ARE, and be able to defend yourself with confidence if anyone questions you.

Side Note: Defending yourself with confidence does not look defensive…as in unsure, shifty, guilty, shady, suspicious, skeptical… etc.

“Is that so???”

YES… Confidence looks like…no words needed

+ I know who I am

+ Listen to what I have to say

+ I know what I am talking about

+ Ask questions when I’m done…if there are any…

Let me Encourage you as YOU, ME, WE take the steps with this:

Strength builds the confidence that says, “I don’t have to pretend about who I am, I know what I’m doing… let me do it”

What does strength look like? Like confidence saying that “I was created/designed/set up to win!!!”

“Strength should be a garment you never take off…for it takes strength to even be humble.”

- Strength Looks Like Confidence

Check back here for Part 3…next Monday!!! “Well, how long is this going to last…'Girl YOU Crazy'”---December 3rd will conclude the “Don’t Take the Elevator…” Series…Okay? Okay. I’m almost done!!!

"Don’t take the Elevator…" Part 1: I Am Strong because I know who I am (Foundation)

Check out the ENTIRE SERIES...IN A BOOK!!

“You find strength in your foundation… So, whatever YOU put there does matter.”-Someone Wanting YOU to be Strong

 

“A house with no foundation is no house at all but a house with a weak foundation will surely fall.”-Strength

  

It’s safe to assume that we’ve all rode an elevator before at the mall, office, work, school & etc…right??? Ok, cool.

*(If not, send me an email and I’ll think of a “Girl YOU Crazy”…Crazy Creative example of your liking…okay? Okay & back to the story.)*

So we get on this elevator…

And there is always this big man on there asking with an attitude, “what floor are you going to? And what are you going to do on that floor??? Huh? Huh?”

NOPE---NOT AT ALL!!! That Does Not happen & if it does…yea I don’t know (be safe).

BUT Notice that there are no requirements/rules/regulations to press a certain floor. If they let you in the building, you can more than likely “do your thing…” with in reason (you know…legal stuff).  

You can press 3 or 23 and not have to stop in between, or even get on the elevator from the basement and go straight to the top floor…it’s simply a matter of pressing a button, no thought necessary!

Wow, it’s just so easy to get on an elevator and go to any floor, huh?!... If only this post/series was about promoting the elevator and the easy ride to getting what you want…"yea Girl that would be Crazy!!!”

And would Not help you build strength--- at all.

That’s why were talking about taking the stairs/being a step-taker…

Why??

When you take the steps…there is a big difference in how you get from one floor to another.

There may not be any rules but there are requirements:

+1st, YOU must walk… If that means putting on your cute shoes once you get there & wear your sneakers while you walk there…then, So Be It!

+2nd, YOU must climb step by step (2 steps at a time is fine because your legs are not that long…)

+3rd, YOU are allowed to stop, think, observe, get a glass of water, and/or snack in between floors & steps…Don’t be afraid to keep going or stop and enjoy.

“Life is a process…don’t try to rush it, submit to it.”

Taking the stairs will build a foundation that says “it’s going to take more than one lil setback to make me step-back…to where I first started or even before I took my first step.”

Unlike the elevator…one press/push up…one down and only emergency stops allowed.

But to warn you of the opposing/negative Nellies (unisex)/naysayers/nothing else to do but be negative & discourage you folks…let me say this (if you don’t already know):

When building YOUR own foundation you’ll find that some will say

+It doesn’t take all that to get there…'so and so' didn’t do all of that and they’re just fine…

+It will take forever to get there and when you get there you’ll be thinking 'all that time just for this'…

            -“I started at the bottom and it took me a long time to be here, it takes like 20 years to be successful doing this…so I don’t know if you really want to do this.” (Girl Shut UP---by the way this is what someone told me about 1 of my dreams…I’m a fighter, so I keep on fighting!!! Hello!)

Recognize This:

            Sometimes we’re given a foundation and we don’t even know it and other times we blatantly/deliberately/straight up decide to skip the steps, and get on the elevator just because it was offered and exciting.

“Sometimes we let excitement tell us to forget the steps…Girl YOU Crazy.”

Steps/Stairs will build a foundation and...

Foundation builds

+Strength as it allows you to stand on solid ground

+A fight in you that won’t quit when opposition/negativity knocks

+Knowledge of knowing Who You Are, Your purpose and Where you’re going

**Your foundation gives you something to stand on and for…it anchors you to be positioned & focused on living out your dreams by helping you/me/we to grow.**

GYC Reflective Rant…yes it is all pretty much one sentence (run-on, Run-On):

You can watch people who have been through so much and are still going through it…but will tell you not to feel sorry for them because what’s going on in their life is just the surface, and the fact that they’re still standing has everything to do with their foundation…Its their strength that says tomorrow will get better, keep pushing, keep moving forward, the best is yet to come but when you take that elevator, you miss all the fighting steps…you miss the process, you get dependent where you should be independent.

GYC Commentary-Last Thoughts:

++The Process, Steps, Stairs are not to keep you from getting to your dreams... faster but make sure you can endure, stand on solid ground and know what you’re talking about.

++Just like that elevator can take you up…there is nothing stopping it from taking you down…just one push and it’s like you never started.++

++Sometimes it may look like you’re on an elevator because all your hard work is paying off but pay attention, that’s your foundation telling you to “stand strong… YOU deserve to be here.”

“Don’t wait till you’re so far gone to go back to the basics, start with the basics by taking the stairs.”

I’m strong because I know who I am.

Check back for Part 2 (11.19.2012) or subscribe to the right! If you missed the Introduction of the “Don’t Take The Elevator” Series…Click Here.

I may not know where you're going... (SheNOWChat Wrap-up)

 

“I may not know where you're going...but I know it’s worth the fight!”

Last Monday's #SheNOWChat was all about encouraging & inspiring the younger female generation: daughter, niece, sister, friend, neighbor...never met her, all of the above!

I had questions and inspirational women had answers…Advice Needed? YES.

“The process of success is meant to strengthen us, and be re-told to encourage those after us.” –The Truth about the Process

#AdviceNeeded- GYC Girl YOU Crazy #SheNOWChat Questions

Q1: What do you wish you knew before starting College/secondary School and/or your 1st job?
Q2: What did you think you lacked in achieving your dream/goal but realized you had all along?
Q3: What do you know for sure about the path you took, to be where you are today (goal-setting)?
Q4: If someone attached a quote to your name…what would you want it to be?
Q5: What advice would you give a young woman who is feeling pressure to take a different path than the one she wants to follow?
Q6: Besides writing them down, what advice do you have about turning ideas into reality?
Q7: When looking back, what phrases/quotes guided you through pressuring moments?

Sitting at my computer, tweeting the questions, and trying my best to interact with the answers (which goes sooooo fast if I might add)… I was in awe… because the very thing that we wanted, we got it!

+ Real Answers

+The truth about the process of this precious thing we call life and its success & experience (I hate the word failure, so I call it experience, fyi)

+Advice that we can live out and not think “well that is just for them or there’s no way I can do that…”

+And the past told as lessons learned with hope for the future & a lot of “SPUNK” to live out!

In developing GYC Girl YOU Crazy, I realized there is one thing about inspiring a dream and living out what you aspire to be… that it doesn’t matter what

 -Race

-Nationality

-Rich

-Poor

-1 parent

-2 parents

-Whatever (etc.)

When it comes to achieving the dreams birthed from our imagination (where we visualized we could do ________(insert your dream here) in the 1st place)…not those dreams given to us by default because of our last name or the neighborhood we came from…We all need a listening ear of support & a real but gentle word of advice from true experience. After all, haven’t we all heard "Girl YOU Crazy" in some manner or another!

Don’t dismiss someone’s dream because you think she is privileged and doesn’t need your help. The young girl you see everyday could be dreaming of her purpose this very moment but thinking that she’s not qualified to achieve it for whatever reason! You would be surprised to know how many 9+ year olds (that’s right 9) know what they want to be and no one to listen or say go for it!

As we get older & life happens, we can forget… then want to do this thing, that thing and nothing but I'll say from experience/memory that the dreams I still pursue today, I met in elementary… my teacher encouraged my pre-mature dreams w/ a mature response of belief in my dreams.

If there is one thing that I noticed from the chat...is that there are MANY, MANY, MANY women who may not know where you are going but they know where you are and that even now (at whatever age) it’s still worth the fight!

So put your boxing gloves on (or whatever fighting gear you can relate to) and “Tell the naysayers and the Negative Ninnies to go fly a kite!”- Vanessa @GirlfriendGroup

Whether you simply watched the chat…answered the questions or did a little of both…I know we were all recharged in some way. “Take Action. Don’t just think and plan and think and plan.”-@Kalinder

Thank you all for joining the #SheNOWChat (SheNOW.org) with me…I truly appreciate the support, and there is more to come from GYC Girl YOU Crazy…where Crazy is Defeated with Courage (that’s right, defeated)!

When given the chance to give someone/anyone’s dream hope…take it, listen & encourage it!

Check out SheNOW's wrap-up!

So You Dreamed it...What's Next?

 

 “A dream is but a dream until YOU decide to make it YOUR reality.”-Someone wanting you to succeed at the right thing

That moment, that age when you said what you wanted to be…then you (actually) did it!

“Mom, Dad, Sis, Bro (whomever!),

- I want to be a singer…(and you started singing into the hairbrush & holding backyard concerts)

- I want to be an engineer…(and you started breaking things around the house to build new things)

- I want to be a veterinarian…(and you would attempt to bring home all the wandering neighborhood animals)

- I want to be a ____________(fill-in-the-blank)…and you did it!“

Remember that? You didn’t wait for everyone to give his or her opinion before you pursued, you just went for it!

Quick/Short Personal note:

I know that I’ve had many “I want to be Moments” when I said it, then I did it but as I got older... I dreamed it, thought about it, then I forgot, something reminded me of it…and repeat. After I graduated, I looked time in the eye and realized those dreams that I thought I had forgotten were important/significant to the life I live and pursue now… I call them stepping-stones.

 After having a reality check, “putting pride aside and looking in the mirror,” I began to take every interesting thought, dream, idea, and requests from others as an introduction to the different possibilities and/or levels of me that I needed to accept!

Hey! Life is A Process!!!

Know this!--- If you dreamed it, you now owe yourself & your imagination (the birth place of your dream) an attempt at living your dream.

+Research it

+Google it

 +Borrow a book on it…

That will only cost you (wait for it…)…

TIME! (that’s all)

No matter the dream or desire, there is always something more to be learned. Talent may open the door but knowledge will keep the door open and allow for more opportunities.

And if it doesn’t work out…So What! Life isn’t over and that is not failure… call it Experience &…DREAM A NEW DREAM!

**When you begin to attempt your dreams whether past or present, you never know what the bigger dream or purpose is that your imagination is trying to get you to see/understand. Be open to being a “Jane of All Trades!”**

So YOU Dreamed it… What’s Next?

   You can “Work at life while still living life” but

-- Don’t let your dream die by not letting it grow.